How do i deal with this.. it hurts so bad ? :(?

It hurts because he won't reciprocate. For whatever reason he's made up his mind that he can't be with you or return your feelings. He obviously feels bad about it because of the things he said to you, but if he doesn't feel like there's a future there, then you're only forcing an issue that he won't allow to be forced. Try to hard and you'll push him away. Move on, but don't forget him. Leave him an opening if he changes his mind, but you can't do it for him. Sorry... Love lost is a lesson learned.